I found myself over the past few weeks really ANGRY with people around me.
My kids were being assholes
The holidays were pissing me off
Nothing was going according to what I wanted
I was just... hacked off
(Factor in that I'm 8 months pregnant and you have a pretty good picture of where I was at)
And when this happens (not if), its easy to complain right?
It's easy to point fingers and say "omg what is wrong with YOU and why are YOU acting this way?" We're offended, we're put out, we're resistant to even be around certain people because of how we feel.
(Notice I didn't say how they MAKE us feel - because no one makes you feel anything. You choose that)
When this happens - NEWS FLASH!!! - it's all about you and your boundaries.
Boundaries are never about the people around us. They're always about us and speaking up for what we need.
Most of the time we don't even know we're allowing things into our space until it feels SO AWFUL it forces us to pay attention.
I had a very specific incident that got my attention. Sometimes the universe has to hit you with a 2x4 to get you to listen up.
And it still took help from my coach to point it out and help me see it for what it was. You need help with this stuff. It's not your fault you don't know how to handle it but it is our responsibility to seek out people that know more than we do.
Anyway, she pointed out that this was a boundary issue for ME.
I was allowing this.
I was choosing this by not speaking my truth.
I was inviting it in by trying to play nice and keep everyone happy.
I was worried about what everyone would think of me if I spoke up and said what I needed.
For many of us, this is an ongoing theme; a place we need to heal in life. And when we get rid of it in one area, we start to see it in another -- which is awesome because it means we get to keep growing!
Everyone plays nice at the holidays, but I can remember a lot of times growing up where these were the moments when everything finally blew up in our house. Mothers day, Christmas, many occasions where someone spoke up and shit hit the fan.
Sound familiar? Who hasn't had one of these -- and you remember it SO WELL. right?
To me, it's not worth having miserable fake-smile holidays to look back on in my life.
Going along with something sounds like you're keeping the peace. Let's not rock the boat TODAY, or that you're thinking of other people's feelings.
We truly believe we're doing a good thing by avoiding uncomfortable conversations.
In reality, its the complete denial of yourself and what you need.
You say "I'm less important than everyone else here" by not speaking up.
And - some next level wisdom - what are you modeling to your kids by engaging in this? (That hits me harder than anything)
Kids copy what you do (not what you say). How are you being the example for them when your actions say: I'm not important enough. I'm not valueable enough. I'm not worthy enough.
Your daughters & sons will learn the same thing, and the social climate perpetuates itself. BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO SCARED TO SAY SOMETHING.
Setting boundaries is one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself.
Its self care at the highest level.
Saying yes to what is OK in your life, and NO to what is not ok in your life.
We are not taught to love ourselves. We're actually taught to hate ourselves. Comparison, expectations, vanity, career paths, and even grades in school.
So when you set a boundary, you are loving YOU first. And if you cannot love YOU first, then how do you expect to TRULY love anyone else in your life?
Without self-love we are constantly lookng for validation outside of ourselves... which isn't fair to anyone else close to you. It's needy, it's low vibe, it's not who you really are.
I made a list of almost 20 boundaries I'm working on setting, now that I'm hyper-aware that they don't exist.
I challenge you today to set just ONE boundary that you've been avoiding. Where do you need to speak up about something that doesn't feel good or isn't OK in your life?
It's not selfish when you're doing what's best for YOU.
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