Several people in my life have been diagnosed with ADHD, depression, autoimmune diseases, cancers, and more.
I myself carried the belief that my body didn't function properly in numerous, inconvenient, and often painful ways for years.
The brain is a powerful place.
When you look at our child and you see him struggle or stand out in any way, you naturally look for solutions. Anything to ease the pain. Bending over backwards to make his life easier and helping him avoid struggles that you may have endured.
You can't help it. It's built in. It means you're connected with your kid.
What we don't realize is that when we do this, we often fight for their limitations instead of letting them overcome.
No matter what our child is struggling with, we subconsciously put them in a box with a label.
- Socially awkward
- Upsets easily
It is not that these conditions and behaviors do or do not exist. It is simply how we see them and label them.
We have preconceived notions about undesirable behaviors and we spring into action to troubleshoot.
What if we changed how we saw these struggles? What if we took away our assumptions about them?
Perspective is everything.
The opposite of the above quote is equally true: if you argue for your abilities, sure enough they will be yours.
In the instance of ADHD, this particular set of GIFTS is the exact reason why I married my husband. Sure there are challenges, but it's the integral part of his personality that attracts me and his countless friends. He's fun. He's spontaneous. He gets great ideas. He's hilarious. He thinks differently than me - and that makes me grow.
And yet the world has told him that he's stupid and limited in his abilities to fit in, keep relationships, find career success, and so much other bullshit.
I'm not saying ignore problems when they appear. Pretending it doesn't exist doesn't make it go away. But if you buy into the story and believe that you're limited in all those ways, it will start to become true.
You can choose to believe anything you wish. A belief is just a set of thoughts we think over and over and over.
There is exactly ZERO benefit to fitting in. We are no longer cavemen dependent on the pack to protect us from saber tooth tigers.
It's an old underlying belief that we can let go.
So when your child has qualities that are different than any other kid you see? Consider how you're labeling her. Consider what box the schools, doctors, and other parents have put him him. What limitations might you be communicating?
You love your child no matter what.
Your entire relationship can change on a dime by you simply removing the walls that everyone has told you exist and must be overcome.
How do you do this?
- Look for his positive qualities. What does your child have that no one else has? How does he shine? Ignore struggles for a moment because we all have them - they just look different.
- Point these out to your child. Celebrate the hell out of their gifts. Make these a REALLY big deal because the world will tell them (and often you) how different they are. You have a unique opportunity as caregiver to create an environment where she can be exactly who she is.
- Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Spend lots of time here. The brain can relearn anything. It takes repetition and consistency. If your child is a negative thinker, this is a perfect place to start because often that negativity is linked to low self esteem.
You cannot over-celebrate someone's innate gifts. Consider what everyone thinks is great about you. You barely even see it! We are so in tune with our own gifts, we forget that not everyone has them. We forget how easily it happens for us and its very difficult for others.
Those gifts get taken for granted (often because they aren't seen as a way to contribute to someone's bottom line).
We brush them off as nothing, when instead we need to take it in and appreciate our own skills.
If you want help implementing this at home, I've created something to do exactly that.
I've just relaunched my new program Build Confident Kids.
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I’ve packaged up the strategies, resources and tools that are helping kids like yours overcome their biggest struggles. It's empowering for you as the parent to finally feel like you know what to do to help.
It’s available to you now. Come check it out here ---> Build Confident Kids.
Nine weeks power-packed live sessions
Access to practical strategies, activities, resources and support you can apply immediately
Access to a private Facebook community where I am available to answer your questions and troubleshoot on the spot
When you can get to the root of the problem and help your kids release the negative thoughts standing in their way, they are free to become their best selves. Their potential skyrockets and they are happy and calm. Bonus: Because this work is specific to their thinking, you are actively setting up your children to feel this way for life.
My mission is to help children everywhere feel free to be themselves. And by equipping YOU, we can accomplish this together in very little time.
Let's do this.