January 11, 2017

How to find the confidence you want so badly:

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Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit. – E.E. Cummings

One of the biggest things that held me back in business for over a year was my lack of self-confidence. I didn’t believe I had something that anyone truly wanted, and because I didn’t believe it, there was no passion or push behind it. 

If you don’t believe in what you’re doing, how the hell will anyone else? 

Confidence comes down to one thing – overcoming FEAR. 

Fears of failure, success, being your true self, what other people will think, all of this rattles around in your mind and keeps you from taking the tiniest of actions to get yourself closer to your dreams. 

And I know you want those dreams. 

You’ve been in this game long enough to realize your dreams require something big of you, and you’re not sure you’re ready to give it. It means doing things you’ve never done and stepping into roles that are unfamiliar and scary.

You don’t know what will happen. You sabotage yourself and say things like “but I don’t know how,” and instead of actively searching for ways you DO know, you wait around for the answer to magically appear on its own. 

You waste time on the internet thinking about it, staring at it in your to-do list, telling yourself “I’ll do it later” but conveniently find an excuse not to. 


The only way to grow your confidence is to do the things you’re terrified of doing. 


This doesn’t require you to do any deep soul-searching to find out where you lost your confidence along the way, nor does it require you lean on someone else to boost you up. 

No reason you can’t begin this transformation today.  

The bigger action you take, the faster your confidence will grow. 


5 easy ways you can take action right now to start boosting your confidence:

1. Quit the negativity. Every time you complain, fuss, roll your eyes, or play the victim, you’re actively putting negativity into your head. 

Start paying attention to your thoughts. Are you a grump all the time? Do you bitch and moan about every speck of your life? Do you really have bad days, or do you have a bad 5 minutes that you milk all day long so people will feel sorry for you? 

Instead: Find the positive in every situation. If you can’t do that, think of something you’re thankful for instead. I start every day with a list of things I’m grateful for. A positive outlook changes how you see everything. 

2. Defeat the enemy. The enemy is you and all the mean things you say to yourself. 

Get to know who you are inside. Why do you think and act like you do? Chances are good you’ve been running on autopilot for years, allowing everything to happen to you, instead of actively controlling your environment and responses. 

Keep a journal with all the things you notice about yourself (good or bad), and start to flip them around so they’re all encouraging and positive.  If you wouldn’t talk to a friend or loved one the way you talk to yourself, consider changing your words into more loving, gentle ones. You’re still a person with feelings. 

3. Set small goals instead of trying to take on the overwhelming big picture. 

Sure you want to make millions of dollars one day, but seeing all the steps to get there can feel daunting. Instead of allowing yourself to be consumed by all the things you need to do and put pressure on yourself, take them one at a time. 

What one single thing can you do today? Tiny wins build confidence along the way to the big wins. 

*Disclaimer: if one thing per day makes you think “OMG THIS WILL TAKE FOREVER” then this isn’t the career path for you. Opt out now. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. 

4. Focus on solutions, not problems. It’s easy to get bogged down by the things going wrong in the world. This is why most people aren’t crazy wealthy and why most businesses fail. 

No one wants to do the hard work of finding the silver lining, doing the work, or looking for a solution even when it means it gets you to the thing you want. 

Be the person out there who’s finding answers, persistent in her hunt for knowledge and skills, so she can get what she wants. 

5. Eat the frog. Do the things you’re procrastinating on. 

Whether you’re afraid you’ll be terrible, you won’t know what to say, or are just being lazy about it (my single reason for not completing online purchases is because my wallet is in the other room), get these things out of the way first in your day, so you can free up that mental space to work on more important things. 

Procrastinating wastes your energy and you feel guilty over and over for not checking it off. 


Confidence doesn’t show up in one day. These are habits to build and take action on consistently in order to see results. 

Fear doesn’t have to win if you don’t want it to.

You get to decide and take responsibility for how you feel and how fast you achieve your dreams. It is completely up to you. All you have to do is choose to take action. 

Want help with this?
Let’s talk.  

I can’t stand seeing women living for everyone but themselves, undervaluing themselves, and selling themselves short of the amazing gifts they have to offer. 

That’s what I did for the larger part of my life (it was miserable) and now it’s my mission to help other women entrepreneurs own their worth and take back their confidence. 

If you’d like to talk about how to work together, shoot me an email – erin@erinkmonaghan.com.  I have a short form for you to fill out to see if we’re a good fit. 

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