.
It’s totally fake.
.
I’m skinny and made up like a movie star, but inside I’m miserable.
.
I lost 3 babies in 5 years. These photos were taken after my biggest miscarriage.
.
I slugged a couple airplane bottles of vodka that day to actually look happy.
.
All the weight I lost was a desperate attempt to control what I couldn’t.
.
It’s one of those events in life that’s different for each person, and as someone who’s been self-described as “not really liking kids,” it surprised me how devastated I was.
.
At the moment, and the thousands of moments afterward, I can only describe that period of grief as all-consuming and a dark place that became home.
.
I was deeply depressed, knew it, and didn’t care.
It was where I needed to live for a while.
And eventually, as we all do, I came out of it.
.
But it was the time inside the grief, dealing with everyone around me who didn’t understand, who didn’t want to be around me, who were uncomfortable that I was “still sad” and who wanted me to move on and get over it…
.
–> that I learned to love and honor myself for the first time ever.
.
(I was 33 years old.)
.
Growing up, I learned to put my feelings last.
I ignored myself over and over again to please other people.
I shut my opinions down.
I believed my thoughts and ideas were wrong.
I put my own needs last to make everyone else happy.
.
And I did that on repeat for decades with every person I encountered.
.
I was a yes-(wo)man who’s intuition was screaming the truth inside, but I was too afraid to let it out.
.
I was afraid of losing people around me if they knew who I really was or what I really thought.
.
Instead, I completely lost myself.
.
I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted.
I didn’t even know what I liked anymore.
I was counting on others to tell me what to do all the fucking time.
.
–
When you lose a child, your life feels like it’s over.
.
How could anyone expect you to move on? But people did. And they let me know just how much.
.
And it burned like the fire of a thousand suns inside of me.
.
How dare they?
.
For the first time ever in 33 years, I let my feelings guide me, and I stuck to my guns.
.
I said, fuck the world I’m going to be sad as long as I need to be sad.
.
And I was.
.
People were frustrated.
I know feelings were hurt.
But I didn’t care.
.
Because for the first time ever I stopped worrying about what everyone else thought of me.
.
I stopped paying attention to what society dictates is “cordial” and “expected” and I did what I needed to do for me.
.
I had been waiting for permission from someone else to feel what I needed to feel.
.
That someone else never came along, and I got tired of waiting.
.
I finally gave permission to myself.
.
That was almost 5 years ago.
.
Miscarriage was awful and horrible, but it also changed my entire perspective on myself and how I treated me. I have to be grateful because it was a massive turning point in my life.
.
I learned how to start being me again.
.
–
Why should you care?
.
The world will tell you to be / act / do a certain way about everything.
.
If you listen, you WILL lose yourself.
.
I was the poster child.
.
I started my business of creating amazing brands and designs because I love helping people on my own terms with my own gifts.
.
I have to create.
I have to make art.
It’s who I am and I denied her for too long.
.
No one understood what I wanted when I began this journey. And I had to get to the place of not caring what they thought to move forward with my own dream. It often makes no sense to anyone but me.
.
You owe yourself the same permission.
.
Make it exactly the way you want it to be and to hell with everyone else. Be it a business model, a website design, or the way you fix your hair.
.
It’s the big message I want all my clients to hear:
.
—> There is no “brand formula” for standing out in the crowd. There is only you.
.
And the more we get to know you and your essence and your being of who you are, the more your brand stands apart. Because it is you.
.
You have to stop worrying what everyone else is doing online, what you think you’re *supposed* to do to look good, and instead, you have to embrace who you are inside in order to stand apart.
.
It’s the biggest lesson I’ve learned (and still learning every day).
.
I’d love to help you show the world who you really are.
.
You deserve to be known in your industry as a leader, and the best (and easiest) way to do that is by simply being more of you.
.
If that’s you, let’s chat.
.
comments +